Oceans is one of my very favorite songs. There is a lyric in the song: “You’ve never failed and you won’t start now” … I have to constantly remind myself that God is right here next to me and I’m not facing life alone. He gives peace when you haven’t been able to find it anywhere else. Call on Him when life is hectic. It’s the only thing that works time and time again. My stubborn nature says “I can do this alone” and “I don’t need help” but when I fail, I find myself feeling more defeated and tired than before. I need to learn to look to Him first. There’s no greater feeling than knowing we have a God who is in control, especially when we feel out of control. If you have time, please give the song a listen. I was having church in my apartment this morning.
Something About November
No matter what I am going through … there is just something about November that makes me want to write. I find myself dreaming about writing a novel for NaNoWriMo, starting a shiny new blog, or just sitting down with a notebook and a pen to capture my thoughts. I have started and stopped blogs more times than I can count. In search of a home for my blog this time around, I came across a post from November 2, 2014 that was just one post. New blog, maiden voyage post … talking about EXACTLY this topic. Needless to say – that was it. Just one little sad post about starting a blog for the umpteenth time. I logged into my old WordPress account and here is another old blog. We are talking old. This blog dates back from six years ago. Talk about a project you thought you’d never see again! Most of the time when I want to start fresh, I don’t want any link to my past. No links to who I was when I wrote a goofy blog two years ago. But in this case, in reviving “Looks Like Hope”, I would like you to see where I was once to more fully understand who I am now and how I got here. I briefly scrolled through the posts and the pictures alone are enough to bring tears to my eyes. I may re-read them someday, but today is not that day.
Here we are in 2016. I will be 30 years old in December. I am divorced after ten years of marriage and I have two beautiful boys, 5 and 2. I need a place to write where I can share my moments. Unlike Facebook where you see mostly happy moments, I want this to be a true reflection of how I’m feeling while I’m here. We know that no life is perfect, so why should I only talk about the good stuff? The real stuff is the tuff stuff. Those moments where you are feeling so vulnerable that you don’t even want to ask God for help because you’re being so ridiculous. Those sad, crazy, scary, mad, and emotional moments mixed with sprinkles of the good times … why can’t we talk about all of it? I see no reason to pretend for your sake. I refuse to pretend for the sake of “keeping up appearances”. Just be real and genuine. That is my goal.
I hope to tell real life stories that make you smile. Maybe I’ll get a creative bug and make up a story that’ll make you cry. or cringe. :) Either way, let’s hope this isn’t a once in the dark post and writing for therapy will actually stick with me this year and for years to come.
School Progress
I mentioned back in August that I was going to return to school. Well I’m proud to report that it’s going well and that I’m about two weeks away from being finished with my first three classes. Liberty University has been so much better than Phoenix and Ashford. I think that being a Christian based school really helps. It’s nice when you receive an email from your teacher every week with a helpful scripture verse along with an overview of the upcoming week. Anyways I am excited for these classes to be over and checked off of my to-do list. Looking forward to my next classes starting here in a few weeks!
When you can’t carry on …
When life gets crazy and things seem to be going downhill, the number one thing that I can suggest is prayer. Tell God your troubles. Ask for peace, guidance, and strength to move forward.
This last month has been jam packed with stress and heartache. Many of my family and friends know … but some of you may not. We found out that we were pregnant with baby number two. It was a blissful week of celebrating, dreaming, planning … you know how it goes! Unfortunately though, it was not in God’s plans for us to have a baby at this time. Let me tell you, I was feeling pretty hopeless. You never know exactly what it feels like until it happens to you. Why would God give us such a precious gift and then take it away?
We won’t know the exact answer to that until we get to heaven. But the good news is … placing such a hurtful and stressful situation on His shoulders instead of bearing the weight alone has been the only thing saving us. I just have to trust that in His infinite wisdom, He was looking out for us. And with our finite scope of the world and our lives … sometimes things don’t make much sense while they are happening to us. Maybe I was supposed to go through that … maybe something would have been wrong with the baby … I could literally go on and on with reasons and blaming but there is no point in it.
I just continue to pray for strength and guidance. I am also eternally grateful for the blessing of being a mother to my crazy little two year old son.
Romans 5:3-4 says “We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.”
Please let me know if there is anything I can pray with you about. You can send me a message via the contact page. It can be as detailed or not, whatever you see fit.
As always, thanks for reading! I’ll be writing another post shortly.
Do or Do Not …
To the extent that we mentally map out our plans for success and carry out those plans accordingly, our assurance of success increases. However, if a person is more focused on failure than on success, the likelihood of his or her failure will increase. When our minds dwell upon success, our thinking will yield positive outcomes, and the fulfillment of our dreams will be expedited …. Once you start believing that something is possible, the likelihood of your taking the action to achieve that goal will greatly increase …. Thinking influences your feelings and behaviors, as well as your physical body …. That is why we must begin thinking in God’s ways, not our own.
— Dr. David Yonggi Cho, Fourth Dimensional Living in a Three Dimensional World
I find this to be a very exciting passage! If I truly believe I will succeed, then in all likelihood … I WILL. How awesome is that!? You can apply this to so many different areas of your life.
Personally, my first thought was going back to school. All of the other times I’ve tried and failed, I had failure at the forefront of my mind. This time my mindset is entirely opposite. I’m telling you it is so wonderful when you finally make that decision to turn to God for help. There is a peace and joy in areas of my life that I wouldn’t have had otherwise.
Whatever your goal is, big or small, try to think positive. If you’re having a hard time with that, ask God for His help. Don’t set yourself up for failure right off the bat. You deserve better than that!
Special thanks to my husband for using the wise words of Yoda during a conversation with me. It is funny to use something like a quote from Star Wars, but it is true! Well, I’m going to make it true!
Looks Like Hope 